I'm just... scared

I'm scared of how you left me. You left me wandering around in the guilt of my own mind, full of empty thoughts of how I was the one who messed up. I'm scared of those thoughts that you left me with, of the memories that once brought me up that now just tear me down. I'm scared of you. Your person. Who you are. I'm scared to talk to you. I'm scared how you don't even notice me anymore, of how easy it was for you to let go... I really shouldn't be scared of you.

It's my mind.

I'm scared of my mind. I'm scared of what I think of you. Of what I think that you think of me. I'm scared that everything I think is false and you are really just... as... broken... as... me.... 

Are we all this broken? I'm scared of how my heart feels when I see you. Of how it hides behind its bone cage in my chest when it sees your beautiful face. Your beautiful face. The face that once brought me so much happiness, now just brings... Fear. I fear that face. I'm terrified of it. I'm terrified of how it makes me feel. It makes me feel confused. Am I scared of confusion? Can I be scared of what I don't know? I fear what I don't know. That may be why I fear you. I don't know you anymore.

Treasure Hugs

I thought my life was perfect back then. I loved you and thought you felt the same. My brother was still here for me. I was happy. My brother left, it was a blow to the heart, but you were still there for me. I thought I loved you and thought that you loved me too. You loved me so much to rip my beating heart out of my chest. You said you didn't want to ruin anything between us. What did that mean? What we had meant so much to you, that you went and kissed him. "I don't want to ruin anything between us." "I care about you too much." Those words are echoing in the back of my head. They are haunting me. What do they mean?
I hate you for what you did.
I love you.
I hate you.
I love you.
I now have to fight my brain as it screams out to talk to you. To just dial your number and talk to you. Like how it used to be. I wish I could just talk to you, but now you're just a stain in my memory.

A shout out to bricks.

Do we ever stop and think about bricks? They do everything for us. They are the structure of our houses, build our roads, and we just walk all over them. They carry the burden of our weight and hold the structure of our dwellings. Yet we just walk all over them. Maybe just a quick thank you wouldn't hurt. A moment of silence to our fellow bricks that have fallen to the mighty wrecking ball (insert Miley Cyrus joke here). This goes out to all of those under appreciated bricks that go unnoticed. I appreciate all of your efforts.

Greatest lyric of all time?

now I sit on the rooftop's edge

the muddy street beneath my swollen head

trying to forget you, to believe we'd never met

and the sky is wrecked; full of rotting clouds

from chimney mouths spewing smoke around

and I can't stop coughing

my lungs just won't calm down

but I still keep grinning

as the blood from my face stains the ground

Let's carve my aging face off,
Fetch us a knife,
Start with my eyes,
Down so the lines,
Form a grimacing smile

We peek from the edge of an old rusty bridge.
Down in the water is the house where we were raised.
And over where the trees and gardens used to be.
Are remnants of pictures we still carry in our minds.

I hear the engines

they're roaring in our mouths

those metal creatures

are crawling tooth and nail to get out

I see the airplanes

they're pouring from your chest

they fill the air

and burn and bury you just like the rest

Sleep don't visit, so I choke on sun, and the days blur into one
And the backs of my eyes hum with things I've never done
Sheets are swaying from an old clothesline
Like a row of captured ghosts over old dead grass
Was never much, but we've made the most
Welcome home

What are some of your favorite song lyrics? Please share in the comments.

I carry in my chest, a pound of flesh.

I am very inexperienced when it comes to love. I have a very shallow opinion on it. That might have something to do with the fact that I am only 17. But here is the only love story that I've had so far in my young life. All I have to say is that I hope it gets better...

I remember when we first met. My head told me that there was no chance, but my heart had different plans for me. We were on our way to pick you up at your house, we haven't really ever talked much, but you knew my friends. I stayed relatively calm... well until I saw you. You got into the back seat with me, I said nothing. I didn't know what to say, so I just kept my head down. I didn't say anything until we got to my house when I finally got the courage to start a conversation. You stole my heart. You must have been a master thief because I don't know how you did it that fast. That was the night that started it all.

I remember prom night. How beautiful you looked in your dress. You were perfect. I was a love stricken fool. That night was perfect, the memory that is etched into my mind is perfect. Dancing with you, with your head resting on my chest. I felt like the luckiest man in the world. I had to do it that night. I had to kiss you. I walked you to the porch, I hadn't been that nervous since the day I first met you. We were saying our goodbyes when I told you how I felt about you. Hey, listen, I... really like you. (Shit, that sounded really stupid.) She didn't care, she felt the same way. Well courage meter depleted, back to car. I didn't kiss her that night.

I remember the day you returned my heart. It was in tattered pieces. You abused it, took advantage of it, cheated on it. You meant the world to me, I valued what we had more then anything. Apparently you didn't value me as much as I valued you. I made a huge mistake. Why did you do it? Why did you kiss him? Did I ever cross your mind when it happened? Was there even the slightest hint of guilt? You could have broken up with me before you kissed him.

Now these memories are fading, they feel more like a faint dream now. But the feelings, they are still fresh. They are still bleeding. My heart hasn't healed yet, those scars are still settling. I haven't talked to you for 4 weeks and 3 days, but who is counting. I see that you went to AF homecoming last night, it's alright, I... don't... care... Let's see how much longer my heart can hold itself together before it crumbles into nothing.

I believed the skies were doorways home

The young mind is a wonderful thing. It didn't know, it believed. It is so naive to the world, it is yet to discover the cutting edges of life. It's almost as if when we grow up, we forget how to truly enjoy life. There are times when I'm looking out the window, stumped on what to do. When The thought crosses my mind that when I was a kid, I could just go out there and make something up. I could pick up a stick and say it was a sword. I could slay a dragon with that sword. I could shoot fire from my hands. The underneath of my trampoline was a hut in the jungle. I was a pokemon master and there was a grand world out there for me to explore. There was that damsel in distress that always needed saving. What if we all still had that creativity and imagination? Our world would be much more vibrant and full of life! I can't help but to think, why can't we keep that child in us? Well who knows? I feel that now I am the damsel in distress needing to be saved.

We are here

I'm just a robot. Lost the ability to feel. Lost the ability to think on my own. I am no longer meant to feel. I just go through my daily motions, lifeless. They program us what we should think, do, or say. Have we lost that human touch? That breath of life that keeps us secure on what's real or not? I can't really say for myself. I've lost that grasp on reality and now wander around in my thoughts like the lifeless robot I am. Is it all just a bad dream? I need to break the chains of my past to breath in the future. My wiring is messed up. My sentences don't flow right. They are all broken up. Is this how I am programed? Have I been reprogramed? I think I just need a reboot. A better firewall to keep these viruses out of my head. They are painful, they infect me with poisons I don't want. I'm having a malfunction... I need... sleep...